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"Teach Your Child How to Handle Physical Errors and Derail Emotional Meltdowns"
Date: Thursday, January 19
Time: 8:00 PM Eastern Time,
45-minute live webinar plus Q & A
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Losing It, Flipping Out,
and Other Emotional Hijackings
by David Benzel

It’s an obvious fact that nothing stirs the emotions quite like your child’s misbehavior. It can be the catalyst for losing control emotionally without realizing what really happened.

I can still picture the baseball field where my son got ejected from a game at age 11. A disrespectful negative comment toward an umpire after his second throwing error earned him a one way ticket to the bench for the day. I can still see the incident and feel the heat of my emotions rising to an unproductive boil as he walked to the dugout in the second inning of a seven inning game. He was, of course, mad at the umpire but I was mad at him. All I could think about was the punishment I wanted to deliver once we got home: bread and water only, and six months of hard labor in the back yard!

The true lesson of the day however turned out to be rewarding for both of us. In the remaining five innings of the game, my thinking shifted from the impulsive basement of my brain to the creative balcony of my cerebral cortex. It is that journey that I wish to describe here because it is a logical and repeatable excursion that all parents can make to avoid emotional hijacking.

In a nutshell, here’s the pathway FROM emotional rage TO emotional control, and to better solutions to our parenting situations.
FROM: Judgment – What a stupid thing to do!
TO: Curiosity – I wonder why he would do that?
FROM: Embarrassment – What will the other parents think of him…and me?
TO: Assessment – I imagine he was embarrassed by his throwing errors AND getting ejected.
FROM: Anger – I’m going to teach him not to screw up like this again.
TO: Insight (AHA!) – This is an opportunity for him to learn self-control.
FROM: Revenge – I can think of several ways to make him pay for this behavior.
TO: Understanding – There’s a pattern of thought in his mind that needs an upgrade.
FROM: Question #1 – What can I do to make myself feel better about this?
TO: Question #1 – How can I help him with this aspect of his character?
FROM: Negative outcome = Resentment.
TO: Positive outcome = Growth and development

In our case the solution was not muscle-building labor in the backyard, but instead mind-building labor in the library. It was decided that our son would read a book about self-control, and how to choose positive responses to negative situations. The impact was meaningful and long lasting.

The ultimate lesson is to recognize that what happens to us each day is not nearly as important as how we respond to what happens. Ask yourself this question: “How often are my responses to situations just as emotional and out of control as my child’s?” Try thinking about “TO” – as in, where do you want to be emotionally, instead of where you are? And remember, we don’t always have the luxury of five innings to cool down!

Recent Highlights

The Skating Club of Boston – A Hundred Years of Excellence on Ice
Growing Champions for Life’s founder, David Benzel spent a weekend in December with the parents and athletes of the 3rd oldest skating club in the United States, The Skating Club of Boston. Originating in 1912, it has been the home club for many World, Olympic, and National champions, including World Figure Skating Hall of Fame members Dick Button, Tenley Albright, Bud Wilson, Cecilia Colledge, Willie Frick, and Benjamin T. Wright.

Skating Director, Peter Johansson (former World and Olympic competitor, 4-time Swedish Champion, and 2007 USOC Developmental Coach of the Year) invited Benzel to speak to both parents and athletes. The key topics for the workshops focused on the skills of confidence for athletes, and the strategies of keeping a healthy “perspective” for parents. “Figure skating is a very demanding sport when it comes to handling individual pressure, while executing very precise elements on the width of a skate blade.” commented Benzel. Some of the skaters were preparing for the Junior Nationals in Michigan later in the month.

The club will serve as hosts to this year’s U.S. Synchronized Skating Championships located at the DCU Center in Worcester, Massachusetts, March 1st – 3rd, sanctioned by US Figure Skating. Growing Champions for Life will continue to seek relationships with, and make resources available to, skating clubs around the U.S.

A Resource to Tap:

There are times when we need to tap special resources to help us physically, sometimes intellectually, sometimes socially, and sometimes financially. There are also times when we need a special resource to help us spiritually. This month’s Resource to Tap is the web site www.iamsecond.com

New GCFL Offering for Coaches

The InCREDIBLE Coach Designation – Learning Right-Brain Skills for a Left-Brain World

"inCREDIBLE Coach" status is earned by those who complete four online webinars that teach credibility skills for coaches. This achievement signifies to parents and athletes that a coach has elevated his or her coaching education beyond sport mastery for the purpose of exemplifying and teaching self-mastery to young athletes. The goal of this dynamic and comprehensive approach is to equip coaches to create champions for a lifetime, not championships for a moment.

inCREDIBLE Coaches are those who:

• Use positive coaching techniques
• Have principle-centered motives
• Improve self-belief in young athletes for their life journey, not just their athletic journey.

Schools, clubs, and academies are encouraged to contact Growing Champions for Life at david@growingchampionsforlife.com to learn how to enroll their coaches in the inCREDIBLE Coach program and receive volume discounts for this training. Each webinar is 45 minutes to 1 hour in length and is recorded for viewing or reviewing when convenient. Titles include:

• "Solving the Mystery of Motivation"
  Why Motivating Athletes Doesn’t Work and What You Can Do About It
• "Not All Praise is Created Equal"
  Why Your Praise Might Be Holding Back Some Athletes
• "How to Turn Parents into Partners"
  Receive the Support and Loyalty You Need
• "Three Silver-Bullet Coaching Techniques"
  How to Increase Athletic Performance & Player Loyalty

Closing Tip for the Day:

There’s an old story of a young Cherokee boy who notices that his grandfather seems very troubled. The story has an important message for us about the thoughts we choose to nourish.
“What’s wrong?” asked the boy.
The grandfather replied, “There’s a struggle raging within me between two wolves. One is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee replied simply, “It depends upon which one I feed.”

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or visit us at Growing Champions for Life.

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