The first book my mother recommended early in my life, other than the Bible, was Norman Vincent Peale's The Power of Positive Thinking. Although the concepts were completely sound, and the principles worked, there was no empirical data to back them up.

 

However, today we have thousands and thousands of brain scans and massive amounts of behavioral research. The neurological evidence says that when we focus on positive experiences, the best aspects of any relationship, tasks completed, and thankfulness, we create a superior life experience for ourselves.

In contrast, paying more attention to negative experiences, self-criticism, complaining about others, and dwelling on stress and fears results in more anxiety, depression, and suffering.

 

The solution seems simple, right? Look on the bright side! But according to Dr. Rick Hansen and his book Hardwiring Happiness, that's not as easy as it sounds. It was "an ancient survival mechanism that turned the brain into Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive experiences." He says, "…having a brain wired to take in the bad (to survive) and ignore the good makes us worried, irritated, and stressed, instead of confident, secure, and happy.

 

Our world is full of negativity right now. We are bombarded with fear-inducing rhetoric daily, causing us to ignore the good and focus on the bad. We pay a price for this. There's a traditional saying that "the mind takes its shape from what it rests upon." In other words, we become what we think about most.

 

Hansen uses the metaphor of a garden to explain our three options. Since your mind is like a garden, you can learn to notice the weeds and the flowers without judging them or doing anything with them.

Another option is to pull the weeds, which means purposefully decreasing the negativity in your mind.

Lastly, you can choose to grow flowers by increasing the positive thoughts and feelings in your mind.

 

What's the payoff? The research is clear. People who spend more time planting flowers in their minds (thinking about good events, pleasant feelings, and accomplishments) will experience more inner strength and resilience, a more realistic optimistic outlook, a more positive mood, and a sense of self-worth.

 

Here are some questions for you, your children, the entire family – and perhaps your child's sports team.

What types of thoughts capture your attention each day? Where do you allow your mind to dwell? Do you habitually focus on the negative or positive aspects of your life?  

 

If you'd like to hardwire more happiness into your life, make a promise to use the following strategies, and teach your children to do the same:

1. Take time to notice your thoughts and feelings, like an outside observer. Be a witness to your thought patterns.

2. Pull some weeds. Let go of negative thoughts. Stop feeding them!

3. Plant some flowers. Be intentional about appreciating positive moments, the people in your life (even if they aren't perfect), and be thankful for the things that matter most.

Then, see how your garden grows!

 

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"Interview With Dave Fish, 42 Years of Coaching Harvard Tennis"

What–Do–I–Do–When…?

"My child doesn't want to play sports at all anymore."

 

If your child enjoyed sports at one time, and then suddenly wants to give it all up, there may have been an embarrassing event or conversation that has drastically changed his outlook. Or, he may be burned out from too much performance pressure or a schedule that was too demanding.                                                                      Action Items:

 

1. First, make it clear that you do not plan to force him to play sports. It's his choice.

 

2. Using a "tell me more" approach, ask for more information about what has led to this decision. Affirm his feelings as normal and ask him to think about whether his conclusions are based on emotions that might change, or on facts that won't change.

 

3. Do not imply that you're disappointed. However, insist that decisions like this must be made between seasons. Commitments to a team should be honored. Be open to a change of mind down the road. There is no harm in children missing an entire season and then coming back. You can ask your child to maintain his physical health in some other activity that is not competitive.

Please CLICK HERE to watch "Are Your Words Giving Your Athlete An Edge?" and complete your Discussion Guide to apply a valuable lesson from hockey star Jack Hughes.

 

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