Most children have a safe and positive youth sport experience. But for some, it’s less satisfying, or possibly scarring. After hearing scary stories of abuse or reading about courtroom convictions, many parents have looked for ways to evaluate the relationships between young athletes and their coaches, between parents and coaches, and most importantly the communication between children and their parents.
The question racing through the minds of thousands of parents today is “How can we ensure the safety and well-being of our children as they encounter coaches we don’t really know and programs that lack transparency?”
Here are some strategies for keeping your finger on the pulse of your child’s sports experience without interfering.
Have A Communication Game Plan
Unfortunately, it’s easy to be deceived if you have limited time around a coach or the program. Parents who use a sport and its coach as a baby-sitting service, are later surprised by the end-of-season outcomes. Parents need to have a game plan of their own and the best one is a “Check-Out” and “Check-In” approach.
Check-Out the Program & Coach
Do your homework. Inquire about the reputation of the program and its history. Find out where your child’s coach went to school and where he has worked in the past. How much experience does he have? What is her background and what credentials have been earned?
Ask around. Check with people you trust. Talk to other sports parents and past coaches that you and your child respect. Check social media to gain a sense of the culture of the program and the values it embraces. Is the program and its goals a good fit for your family?
Show up. Go to practices occasionally, as well as competitions or games to observe the behavior and reactions of a coach. Get to know a coach through appropriate opportunities for parent interactions like formal and informal meetings. If a coach does not welcome parent interactions, consider this a red flag.
Check-In With Your Child
Establish a routine of touching base. Have regular conversations with your child about the coaching he or she is receiving, but keep in mind that checking-in with your child does not mean interfering with the coaching. Be curious, but avoid sounding like you’re conducting an investigation.
Verify that your child is being treated with respect. Make your child aware that every coach has a responsibility to treat every athlete with respect—intellectually, emotionally, and physically—and that you’d like to know about any incident in which that is not the case. Make sure that your child athlete is being held accountable for team standards and comfortable with his/her relationship with their coach.
Inquire. Ask your child to share information about how the coach talks to the athletes and how they are treated during the informal moments around practice and competitions. How is discipline handled during practice and at competitions? To what degree is punishment used to correct behavior or performance issues?
Even though your child may experience physical discomfort with the workouts required for skill development, he or she should have a sense that the coach is sincerely and appropriately interested in mental, emotional, and physical development. When you take the time to ask the right questions, and Check-Out and Check-In regularly, you are ensuring that your children stay safe and enjoy the best possible youth sport experience.
