Growing Champions
Message from David  

 Fear or Faith? 

 
 
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I'm supposed to be on an airplane right now, on my way to a funeral for a family member. However, my fear got the better of me and I'm feeling pretty lousy about giving into it. Score 1 for the Coronavirus.

 

I hate it when fear gets the upper hand and I cave in.

 

Of course, there's the practical voice that points out the wisdom of not getting on that plane. The CDC recommends avoiding all non-essential air travel. There's a voice saying, "Think of the people you might have infected at the funeral had you been infected with the virus while walking through two airports and enduring a 3-hour flight."

 

That just about sums up the age-old battle we face most days between our faith and our fear. We know it well as parents raising our children. What's the length of "the leash" we have on our kids when it comes to their choices? Are we constantly afraid of the consequences they'll face when given the freedom to choose?

 

With that mindset, another question pops up: "Are we teaching our kids to be fearful and to become fearful adults?"

 

My faith tells me we're going to come through this pandemic; that we're going to recover and get our normal lives back again. My faith tells me that there's reason to be hopeful and to rest assured, in the grand plan God has for life.

 

Jim Stockdale, the highest-ranking POW of the Vietnam war, said we must embrace the paradox of confronting the brutal facts, AND never lose faith in an eventual victory. 

 

Brutal fact: Our lives are being disrupted in an unprecedented way.

AND…

 

Absolute faith: The virus will be conquered and we will grow stronger through it.

 

So, what do we want our children to learn from this struggle between Faith and Fear? After all, they face smaller versions of this fight every day at school, in their sports, and with their friends.

 

I believe we want them to be life-warriors; to embrace the paradox of fear AND faith. Does it have to be one or the other? I think not. 

 

We might lose some battles, but each of us can contribute to winning the war. We need not live in constant fear. It's not healthy. Nothing good can come from it.

 

We are strongest when we listen to the voice that guides us to make wise choices, to discern the prudent choices from the foolish ones. Let's teach our children to become skillful at the genius of the AND, not victimized by the tyranny of the OR. 

 

It's our ability to have respect for our fear AND resolve for our faith that creates a life well-lived.

 

Score 1 for life.

 

 
 
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What-Do-I-Do- When…?

"My child won't talk with me. She also won't listen when I try to coach her."

There's only one place to look when our kids won't talk to us or listen to us -- in the mirror. Something about our delivery, our timing, or our message is creating a barrier. They have a fear, and we can attempt to help them overcome it. Usually it's the fear of our disapproval and what that means to them.

 

Action Items:

  1. Learn to be a transparent parent. Share your own vulnerabilities and fears. Pretending to have it all together is not authentic and creates distance between you.

  2. Use the phrase, "Tell me more" rather than "You should have…" when there's an opportunity to hear what's going on in her world.

  3. Generate positive emotions more than negative emotions. A 5:1 ratio is recommended. Fill her emotional bank account with encouragement and positive affirmations whenever possible. They must be genuine and based on specific efforts you've observed. Look for the good!

 

Resource: Read Chapter 21 - "Give the Gift of Silence" in From Chump to Champ by David Benzel

 
 
Bonus Video Feature:
 

3 Tips From the Parents of Christian Pulisic

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Please click here Please CLICK HERE to watch 3 Tips From the Parents of Christian Pulisic and complete your Discussion Guide so you can apply a valuable lesson from soccer star Christian Pulisic and his parents.

 

 Watch the video here

 
 
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David Benzel PO Box 632 Groveland, Florida 34736 United States (352) 267-5344