I remember my mom using a pressure cooker in the kitchen when I was a child. She used it to cook a pot roast because the meat cooks faster under pressure. In other words, you can rush a pot roast into the desired outcome if you use pressure.
Unfortunately, that theory doesn't work well in athletics. You can't rush kids into athletic stardom by applying pressure. Skills are not learned faster under the pressure of parental expectations or imposed deadlines.
Most parents understand this concept, even if they're not very good at demonstrating patience. What's NOT understood is how to help children when THEY are the ones putting pressure on themselves.
Many young athletes put tremendous stress on themselves to be perfect, to learn new skills quickly, or to deliver a personal best every time they compete. These unrealistic expectations result in pressure that is counter-productive.
What's the cause of this self-imposed pressure? Most often it stems from the belief, "I am HOW I do." With this kind of identification with the outcome of a performance, an athlete feels worthy and valuable ONLY when they do well. Anything less than "awesome" is like a guilty verdict. "The jury has spoken and I stink."
With this mindset, a child can be more fearful of doing poorly than they are intentional about doing well. Avoiding failure becomes the motive rather than striving for excellence.
The bad news is that there's no quick fix for this kind of thinking. But parents can help their children make a paradigm shift to a healthier perspective about performance. Here are some talking points and strategies for this.
Concept One: A child's value is completely separate from HOW they do. A student who gets A's is not more valuable than the student who gets C's. A high batting average, or ranking in any sport, does not make a person more worthy of love and acceptance. Here's a helpful phrase: "You are not the mistakes you make, nor the home runs you hit."
ConceptTwo: The number one reason we introduce our kids to sport is so they have fun. If they're not having fun due to self-criticism and self-judgment, that's also the reason they're having trouble performing well. Athletes who are enjoying their sport, WITH the ups and downs, are usually more consistent performers. They are focused on enjoying the journey.
Concept Three: Athletes who focus on what each experience can teach them, are less threatened by performance disappointments. They see the trials and triumphs as valuable lessons worth the price of admission. Learning is the goal, not a trophy or placement. In other words, they believe that those who learn the most will eventually enjoy better results. Victories are the outcome of a healthy journey and the pursuit of excellence.
Encourage your child to take a non-judgmental approach toward their performances. Teach them to see the results of the efforts as "interesting" instead of good or bad. This approach builds curiosity about what works, and what doesn't, which leads to learning without self-criticism.
